Oh he is a sweetie. Very white eyeballs bizarrely - the boy must sleep like the dead.

Fresh from dancing around with OAPs and skiving office workers, and hosting the Volvic Lunchbox secret gig before the full-length Weekender takes place this weekend, XFM's lovely Alex Zane answers the festival-related words we throw at him. And some that weren't.

Best?
“The best one was probably my very first festival, Reading 1995. I was just 16 and it was phenomenal. I did the whole camping experience because now obviously people give me passes to go backstage where everything’s fresh and clean and you don’t get dirty, and the toilets don’t get pushed over by randoms without their shirts on going, (shrieks) ‘PUSH OVER THE PORTALOOS!’ It’s slightly safer, but I don’t think I’m enjoying that real festival experience that I had at Reading ’95. It was the summer where we all loved White Zombie, so we were all wandering around in White Zombie t-shirts being crazy 16-year-olds.”

Worst?
“The Heineken Music Festival in Roundhay Park. It was free and it wasn’t bad because the festival was bad – Pop Will Eat Itself were playing and I loved PWEI in that period, I still do actually – but I was about 14, and not being a proper drinker at 14 I thought ‘Wow! It’s a festival and everyone’s drinking beer, so I’ll drink beer! Wow, I can see the beer again, coming out of me!’ I was horribly drunk. A girl I fancied was there, and she quite fancied me and then I was sick. We all went back to my house round the corner and shaved a friend’s eyebrow off. He went just crazy and threw loads of cups at the wall. So overall, while the festival itself was great, the lasting memory is of me being sick and having a huge man without an eyebrow bellowing at us. He deserved it.”

Weirdest?
“It’s a film festival so I don’t know whether that counts, but I was at the Cannes film festival and there was a man standing in the middle of the street with two cats on his shoulder. I didn’t think you could train a cat, cats are too arrogant to be trained, so how he’d done it – whether it was through some telepathic link with the feline community perhaps –  these cats sat on his shoulder and pawed the air in some kind of cat dance. He hummed, it was a cross between humming and purring, and the cats kind of danced in time. It was just phenomenal.”

Essentials?
“(Mock smug) Well! Once you’re on TV, you don’t need to bring toilet paper anymore. People throw toilet paper at you, too much toilet paper. I’d say the thing to take is a hat. If it’s your own hat, that you’ve gone ‘I look good in this hat’ with, then you’re never tempted to get to a festival and go ‘Wow!’ Those jesters hats actually look quite good. I might just get one of those.’ It’s never a good look, so take a hat so that you’re never tempted to buy a hat that you’ll look back on and go, ‘I really did look like a twat.’”

Band?
“Sex?! (Um, set actually) Ooh, I’ve just remembered something at Reading ’95. I’ve never pulled at a festival – I don’t think I’ve ever pulled at a festival since – but this girl invited me back to her tent. I was 16 and just thought ‘Brilliant!’ but then she did something that made me leave the situation. This was the last day of Reading ’95, I’m covered in filth, my nails are black and she says ‘Let me show you this thing.’ And she puts her finger in my mouth and I felt physically sick and had to run away. It was like, ‘You put it in your mouth and you don’t know where it’s been! I wouldn’t put it in my mouth and you’ve put it in yours and you think it’s sexy.’”

Er, band?
“I think Primal Scream are always great at festivals. He’s just crazy! Bobbie Gillespie is just brilliant on stage.”