The Sainsbury's Basics version of Barbara Cartland, novelist Danielle Steel turns out to have written some truly abysmal poetry as well as some of the worst romances this side of Mills and Boon. To whit, Robin Ince (him off Radio 4) recites it, Martin White (him off The Culture Show) plays some atmospheric accordion, and Neil Edmond (him from The Consultants) turns it into an interpretive dance. It's hilarious and horrific at the same time, probably more of the latter because we're quite drunk by now and getting very confused. Someone needs to kill Danielle Steel. Or at least teach her about punctuation.