You lot are WEIRD. Really, really odd and alarmingly scatologically obsessed by the sounds of it, although that could just be the nature of festivals. Along with our winner, Laura Fitzpatrick, who gets two weekend tickets to Leeds Festival and £100 of Joe Brown's clothing, here's a selection of our favourite stories. We don't necessarily like them, but they show off what you lot get up to at festivals better than any hospital investigation. Well done!

Winner! (We strongly suspect the man involved to be this one)

The funniest, weirdest and most horrible thing all rolled into one happened to me at the Hi Fi 2006 in Northumberland. The weekend before the festival, I was a little drunk to say the least and pulled this guy at the Carling Academy, took him home and had a bit of drunken fun. In the morning I was a little surprised to find this guy in my bed, and above all he had the brightest ginger hair I’ve ever seen. I try to smuggle him past my housemates and waved toodle-oo never to be seen again.

The week after we trek up to the Matfen Estate, and as we jump up and down to the Editors we see this bloke jumping up and down with the prosthetic leg from a mannequin. My mate Pip moves closer and takes the leg from the young chap and runs back over to us. The guy wasn’t too pleased and ran after her. The next thing we see is pip flat on her face in the mud, gripping onto this leg with the ginger bloke I pulled the week before on top of her. Cringe.

Sweet:

"I’m a professional chef and I always wanted to cook for my favourite band. This summer I went to a festival where they played on the first day and Idecided that today I’m going to be hired by them. I went to the stage holding a sign saying “All the way from ISRAEL to cook for you”  and I was standing front row holding the sign up. One of the band’s members saw it and I guess he thought it was nice and original. He signalled me to come and meet them after the concert. I went backstage with a few brownie-cookies that I baked a day before, so I met the band, left them my brownies and a note saying that I’m a chef and I want to work for them...

"Next day I get a call from their management saying they want to meet me again. So I went, and they wanted me to cook for them a dinner at the offices so I did. At the end of it they told me that they are looking to hire a chef, and that this dinner was my job interview."
Gili Mazur

Grim:

Haha oh my god this is the funniest thing , me and my friends went to Tin Pan Alley festival in July, and yeah of course we had a bit to drink, and throughout all the moshing and headbanging everyone was a little lightheaded, even more so when three of my mates started vomiting in the middle of the mosh pit haha, my friend Sharona was covered from head to foot in sick as she was standing between the other two that puked haha, and oh my god it defo wasn’t pretty.

"I had to chuck a bottle of water over her just to try and drain it off haha, but there was bits of chicken and stuff she’d ate earlier al clinging to her fish net top haha. I was like “Hmmmmmmmm luvvly haha, what perfumes that you got on Sharona , eau de puke lol, au naturale vomit haha,”  and then some rather large woman started harassing me with her ugly ass bag but that’s another story".
Tom

Possibly on drugs:

"Once when I was at Leeds Festival. By Rob. Once when I was at Leeds Festival I was walking to the main stage and a black hole opened up in the ground. IT WAS VERY BLACK AND HEAVY. I jumped inside “djgsrojgggggr rljgeroqgoooooooooooooooooormfggggggggggggggggggeppppppppppppppppp ppwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee,” was how I went. When I came out it was like nothing had happened. But it was all very strange.          THE END
Rob Barnes

Ironic point missing:

"There once was a badger called Sam. Sam was a happy badger, and spent all of his days sleeping and all of his nights digging in his little hole and eating worms... Mmm yum yum. One day Sam decided to go for a walk. While he was walking, he came across a road. On the other side of the road was Toby the fox. “Hello Toby!” Sam shouted while waving his little paw at his chum on the other side of the road. Toby lifted his little fox cub paw and waved and started crossing the road with a big smile on his face, excited at the though of talking to his best chum Sam. BANG. Toby was hit by a car killing him instantly. Sam ran up to Toby’s still twitching but lifeless body which was lying in a pool of blood. Sam could see Toby’s brain. So Sam had a w*** and then headed home and to bed."
Ewan C B Loughlin